I AM NOT.

Two brothers were talking on the phone one night, the younger, incredibly frustrated, again, about how things were going in his life, each situation seemingly compounding on each, making figuring what to do in each category border-line depressing. The older brother, in his wisdom, attained through his own battles, suggested that perhaps something was amiss with God…not necessarily a lack of faith or salvation being questioned, but as we do from time to time, trying to figure what in the world is going on and why God is working the way He is.

If confession is good for the soul, then it should be interesting to see what transpires next. The following words, as written by the younger brother, the night following that phone call.

Dear God.

I know I am yours, yet I feel that I am not.
I know you care, yet I feel forgotten.
I know you are providing, but it feels that it’s just towards more frustration.
I know you have made me whole, yet something is missing.

You’ve given me time and I’ve wasted it.
You’ve given me talent and I’ve buried it.
You’ve given me opportunity and I’ve missed it.
You’ve given me chances and I’ve blown it.
You’ve given me blessings and I’ve complained about it.
You’ve given me a body and I’ve neglected it.
You’ve given me a voice and I’ve silenced it.
You’ve given me life and I’ve destroyed it.

You’ve given me everything and I’ve done nothing.

You’ve prepared me for greatness and I’ve settled for mediocre.

My problem isn’t really with you. It is with myself.
And yet to begin working on myself, I have to sort this out with you.

I can’t do this on my own, as I have often tried.
I have only succeeded in failing… backwards in sin, instead of forward in grace.

I can’t pinpoint the problem, but You are the solution.

I don’t have it without you.
I can’t implement it without you.
I can’t manage it without you.
I can’t succeed in it without you.

You never fail and I forever will.
Thus, my circumstance won’t change as I long as I think it’s on me to change it.
I know I have a part in making it happen, though, therefore, I need you. Now.

Come in Your sovereignty. Quickly.
Come in Your majesty. Quickly.
Come in Your glory. Quickly.

Before I fall again.
Before I fail again.
Before I miss again.

It’s Your will. Not my way.
It’s Your plan. Not my idea.
It’s Your purpose. Not my position.

It’s all You. None of me.

God says to man: “I am”.
This man says to God: “I am not.”

*and if the conversation were to continue, I think God would smile and say: “Good, now that we got that out of the way…”

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2 thoughts on “I AM NOT.

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