…but you can’t sit in the middle of the road at a green light while not moving indefinitely.
So the wife’s car started running rough on our way home from church, Sunday night, 11/18. The following Sunday afternoon, when we finally dropped it off, I paid off the last $100 of the remaining balance from the last repair. Not sure how I’m moving forward with the current issue.
Earlier tonight, 11/28, my car started not sounding right. Sure enough, after having left my second job to deposit the paycheck received earlier in the day from the first job, the car stalls out. Interestingly enough, @ the intersection where said second job is located.
BREAKDOWN. Emotional. Spiritual. Literal.
When I finally got the car restarted (after sitting through another red light) I screamed. “GODDDDD!!!!!!!!!!” Blocks from home and tears were starting.
I was not angry with God. I was desperate. My wife in bed, under the covers and under the weather fighting whatever is going around. My earthly Dad, also in bed (which is where I should be), I couldn’t possibly call for help….again. My brother, now living out-of-state, wasn’t going to be able help; though his listening ear, advice and prayers have gotten me through more life than I can immediately recall.
I was not happy. I pulled into a church parking lot 2 blocks from the house…just to let the car run and scream some more. Just the name of God. Simply calling on the name of Jesus. Because I had nothing else to do. Car stalled again.
Fought me the whole two blocks to the front of the house. This is not looking good, God. I have no problems not asking why. But numerous times, asking Him what He was doing.
So, God is a God of the impossible. I’m starting to think, that since He knows that’s the only way He’ll get the glory…because man(kind) is stubborn until we are broken and even then, not happy; that God orchestrates circumstance to arrive solely at a marker called impossible. You have arrived. Or you will. I did.
Never where we intended to arrive. Where God intended all along.
Because, He knows exactly what we have need of…and He has a funny sense of humor in showing it. Case in point:
Tonight’s automotive episode was brought to you courtesy of a 1994 Acura Vigor. The same one I was hoping to sell this week, in an effort to replace the wifes’ vehicle. My attempts to figure it out before seeking and trusting God that He has already done so on my behalf, once again, making my efforts futile. As I said…stubborn.
I grab my wifes’ Bible of the shelf, which like many Christians’, I struggle about not reading it as much as I should (read: failure to seek diligently…at least that’s how I feel about my life) and I randomly open to Psalm 38. What a great word.
Like many of the Psalms, it closes out with:
“O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me; O Lord my Savior.” Wow…thanks God!
But you missed the part about why I mentioned my specific make & model of car?
“Many are those who are my vigorous enemies; those who hate me; without reason are numerous.”
Odd, I know, but in my desperate attempts that God would hear my screams and come quickly, that He would be so specific as to say, “I know exactly where you are and what you are going through. I know the hairs on your head and the stars by name. I created you, so what’s important to you is important to me. You really think I don’t everything about what is going on in your life, down to the car in which you travel?”
The whole point of a relationship is based on the base-word. RELATE. What good is religion if there is not a connection between you and God, in that you matter to Him, so He should matter to you.
The band, Mastedon is singing “It Is Done” on my headphones, as I’m typing right now. “Life has no meaning, if we’re living apart. He came to carry all the cares of my heart.” Wow. Earlier, when I started typing, Russ Taff was singing “Higher”. An incredible song!!!!
*don’t you hate it, when you reach the point in a blog post, where you’re not sure where to go next with it?
And there it is…at the beginning of the post. You can’t sit in the middle of the road for long.
Whatever is going on, you have to keep moving. Keep trying. Scream. Cry. Seek. Sure, I was frustrated. I put my fist to the steering wheel, while sitting in the parking lot. But I was (and even though I’m smiling now) and still am, desperate for God to move on this situation. And many others that have been on mind.
But I mustn’t continue to be a creature of past, less than best habits. The Word. Prayer. Take care of what matters. The Relationship.
We must do the hard thing. We must push forward. Fortunately, I didn’t have to literally push the car. But for the past couple of hours, I’ve had to push through the thoughts and the emotions and in the spiritual realm. To keep the faith. To fight the good fight.
I continue to believe that God is working the miraculous, even if it is not yet visible. That is part of the miracle. Most of it, never is seen in the physical realm; just accomplished in the spiritual.
Which, come to think of it, so is God, of the Tri-Fecta nature. God will come through for you, just as much as He will for me. It’s not that one of us is better than the other. We are not. I am not.
But He is. And this is what He does. The impossible made possible. The frustrated becomes free. The condemned become saved. The weak, strengthened. The sick, healed. The missing, found. The part, made whole. The Creator, creates the created. And the created look to the Creator and cry out. “We’re not worthy.”
For whatever breakthrough happens after tonight’s breakdown, I certainly am not worthy. The broke-down are up-held. In God. Through God. By God. Because of God.
*and on that note, with a surprising smile and element of peace, I’ll be asleep in just a few minutes 🙂 And now, Third Day is singing…”There’s a light at the end of this tunnel….for you. So keep holding on.” I think whatever message God was trying to get to me was perhaps for the purpose of getting that message to you? Only God knows…and you too, if this was for you! Liaison, singing “My God is a Rock”….they just keep coming. RED, “Breathe Into Me”. Greg X Volz, “All I Can Do” is praise HIM! healingstreammedia.com on iTunes. Okay, gotta post, before I start listing more music. WOW!!!